That's not where I parked my car!

Have you ever wanted to become an MC at a sports event?  Here are a few tips that might help you with your new career choice:
- Don’t ever let the fact that you aren’t fully aware of what’s going on prevent you from talking into the microphone.  It's your job as MC to talk, not be accurate and informative.  After all you're an MC, not a librarian.  Keep this in mind at all times.
- If you can’t see what’s going on, keep on babbling until you do.
- Contest rules can be complex, so don't worry about whether you grasp the finer points of what will be happening or what has happened.
- As an announcer if you're not exactly sure which trick was just pulled, the crowd is even less likely to know.    In fact, many people watching contests are only casually familiar with the sport itself.  As a result, they aren't very likely to know the exact trick that was just performed.  This is good news to the announcer - use it to your advantage.
- Pronounce at least one competitor's name wrong repeatedly.  A high-profile sporting event will attract participants from various countries, some of whom might have long and/or difficult to pronounce names.  If you can't prounounce it correctly, it's their fault.  Actually, it's their parent's fault.
- Invent colourful new nicknames for the competitors.  The competitors love this, and it helps the spectator gain a little insight into the athletes that they're watching.  Here's a list you can start from: Headhunter, Magnum, Dumbass, Kraft Dinner, 8 Track, The Spanish Inquisition, Back Door, The Asian Flu, Sparky, Corn On The Cob, BooBoo Kittyfuck, Sweat Stain, Special K, Infidel, LuLu, and Boss Hogg.
- Before the start of competition, the event organizers will give you a roster of participant names and bib numbers.  Although these details will increase your accuracy, it's hard to provide the spectators with lively entertaining information if you're always looking down at the paper like a damn 5-year old trying to learn how to read.
- Remind the crowd to 'make some noise' and to 'give it up'.  Over and over again.  And then a bit more.  As the event goes on, the crowd will start to get tired.  It is best to counter this with an endless stream of hype.
- Don't forget to mention the sponsors over and over again.  They won't want to give money for sponsorship next year if their brand isn't drilled into this year's spectators.
- Get a partner that will help you succeed as an MC.  This can be someone who can correct all of your mistakes OR someone so bad that they make you look good in comparison.  Ideally at least one of the two of you would have a passing interest in the sport you're covering.  If a suitable partner can't be found, a rapper from New York is also an option.  They might have zero understanding about the sport, but they'll have the mad mic skills, yo.
- And remember - LETS MAKE SOME NOISE WHISTLER!!!!