Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't...nothing?

I not sure if Mike forgot to pay his internet bill or why this site wasn't working for a few days, but it's back again. Hope you enjoy a few random links.
- 2 more mountain biking videos - another slopestyle video and a funny video called 13 Things You Might Say On The North Shore. I never would have guessed that a few posts into this blog that it would feature more slopestyle footage than sarcasm.
- Speaking of extreme footage, here's a new sport to try if biking isn't your thing.
- Who wants some coffee or ice cream! It could be worse, you could be eating food rehydrated with your own urine.
- Hey look - a different sarcastic Canadian! What are the odds? Speaking of Canada, if you've ever wondered what the average median age in Canada is, or the GDP per capita, or just wondered what the CIA knows about us in general, check this out.
- Angry Kid - It figures that Ben would be the one to send this my way.
- For everyone who remembers this, (and seeing as how I just gave you the link, hopefully your short term memory is good enough to remember it), here's some follow up to it.
- Here's what Immigration and the police have been up to lately. I can't say I blame the guys working in Immigration for that policy, but no wonder paperwork takes so long to get processed there.

Brought to you by Tipsy McStagger's Bar & Grill

No creative ranting today, just a bit of cutting & pasting on my behalf for your enjoyment.
- Do you like things that blow up?  (calm down, not like that)
- Do you like the kind of jumping around that would make House Of Pain happy?  (kind of slow for the first minute, more interesting after that)
- Do you like rocks, papers, and/or scissors?
- Do you like having fun at the expense of others?
- Plus: at no extra charge here are two videos (video 1 & video 2) and a photo sequence (click on the photo to see the next shot in the sequence) from the slopestyle a few days ago.

 

That's not where I parked my car!

Have you ever wanted to become an MC at a sports event?  Here are a few tips that might help you with your new career choice:
- Don’t ever let the fact that you aren’t fully aware of what’s going on prevent you from talking into the microphone.  It's your job as MC to talk, not be accurate and informative.  After all you're an MC, not a librarian.  Keep this in mind at all times.
- If you can’t see what’s going on, keep on babbling until you do.
- Contest rules can be complex, so don't worry about whether you grasp the finer points of what will be happening or what has happened.
- As an announcer if you're not exactly sure which trick was just pulled, the crowd is even less likely to know.    In fact, many people watching contests are only casually familiar with the sport itself.  As a result, they aren't very likely to know the exact trick that was just performed.  This is good news to the announcer - use it to your advantage.
- Pronounce at least one competitor's name wrong repeatedly.  A high-profile sporting event will attract participants from various countries, some of whom might have long and/or difficult to pronounce names.  If you can't prounounce it correctly, it's their fault.  Actually, it's their parent's fault.
- Invent colourful new nicknames for the competitors.  The competitors love this, and it helps the spectator gain a little insight into the athletes that they're watching.  Here's a list you can start from: Headhunter, Magnum, Dumbass, Kraft Dinner, 8 Track, The Spanish Inquisition, Back Door, The Asian Flu, Sparky, Corn On The Cob, BooBoo Kittyfuck, Sweat Stain, Special K, Infidel, LuLu, and Boss Hogg.
- Before the start of competition, the event organizers will give you a roster of participant names and bib numbers.  Although these details will increase your accuracy, it's hard to provide the spectators with lively entertaining information if you're always looking down at the paper like a damn 5-year old trying to learn how to read.
- Remind the crowd to 'make some noise' and to 'give it up'.  Over and over again.  And then a bit more.  As the event goes on, the crowd will start to get tired.  It is best to counter this with an endless stream of hype.
- Don't forget to mention the sponsors over and over again.  They won't want to give money for sponsorship next year if their brand isn't drilled into this year's spectators.
- Get a partner that will help you succeed as an MC.  This can be someone who can correct all of your mistakes OR someone so bad that they make you look good in comparison.  Ideally at least one of the two of you would have a passing interest in the sport you're covering.  If a suitable partner can't be found, a rapper from New York is also an option.  They might have zero understanding about the sport, but they'll have the mad mic skills, yo.
- And remember - LETS MAKE SOME NOISE WHISTLER!!!!

What the fuck happened to that guy's head?

What do you do when your boss is on vacation?  Here are a few places to start.
- This one was recommended from Mike, but I still like this one better.
- This game is as basic as they come, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun and addictive.  It also reminds a little bit like a night at the bar - you start off fine, but before you know it your eye/hand coordination isn't as good as it could be.
- Something funny.  I clearly need to learn how to draw and start making a comic strip.
- I hope the Whistler cops don't start trying this.

Sorry if this isn't exceeding your expectations.

T

 

Sometimes I'm as smart as a monkey, sometimes I'm as dumb as a chimp

Tired of being productive at work?  Here's a few things to help you out:
- Mountain biking without the hassle of having to actually pedal.  Here's a free demo that's fun.
- More mountain biking - The Collective teaser.  Buy it dammit, as I don't feel like lending you my copy.
- A frustratingly addictive game.  At first glance, the game appears to be stupid and basic.  Play it again, and you'll be hooked.  Sorry.
- A news story of the day.
- Who doesn't like a dancing and/or singing Bush site?
 

What The Fuck Is The Internet?

With an introduction from Mike like that, I can't help but succeed.  'Useless crap'?  Well, I might as well delivery the goods (or not so goods):
Something to play, some fun 'news', and some interesting news (short version & long version).  Plus, here's some news about the evil empire expanding. I guess there are a few more brands to add to the blacklist.
 
Seeing as how this is apart of Mike's site, I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to include typos or not?  Any thoughts?

It's In The Computer?

Brew says:
how come the web space I gave you is not full of stupid shit yet?
 
 
Yes, that is a good question.