I am under no illusion that I’m the only person to receive spam, nor am I under the illusion that I’m the only person who hates it. On one hand spam isn’t even worth getting mad about – it goes without saying that it is an annoying & pointless downside to the technology of today. Plus, it’s definitely better than voice-spam (telemarketers).
On the other hand, I continue to be disappointed with the lack of effort that spammers are putting into their work. Granted if you are creative & ambitious, you probably would have a better job than being a spammer. (Of course, you just know somewhere there’s a guy describing himself as being a ‘spam artist’, but that’s a semi-different subject. I will likely cover the subject of various jackasses soon enough.). If the goal of spammers is to convince you & I to open questionable emails about suspect products and click on mysterious links, then dude put some effort into it.
As I was writing this, I checked out the spam in one of my email accounts. Here’s a brief summary of the contents:
- Three emails with neither a sender name or a subject line. Good work dumbasses – you’ve failed to get my attention even more than the average spam email. How does it feel to even be bad at spamming?
- Seven emails with nonsensical subject lines, including offers for some ‘qisuy’, ‘qewipe’, ‘wayad’, and best of all two emails about a ‘new pupyg’. Considering how many spam titles are misspelled, what I want to know is whether this is supposed to really be ‘puppy’, and if so who buys pets over the internet?
- Approximately seven sexual spam emails. It’s hard to say whether all of them are indeed sexually-related or not, and I didn’t really want to find out. One of the emails that I did glance over included the following closing: ‘All things are possible with god, Count your blessings’. I guess that until bibles start carrying advertising for penis enhancement surgery, they’ll have to rely on getting their message out to the Religious Right via spam.
- 13 emails offering me some sort of product. Four offers for luggage/wallets/handbags, three for a free Gillette Fusion razor, and two for bigger underwear. Seriously – the subject line simply read ‘Get Bigger Underwear’. Somehow, it doesn’t sound quite as appealing as getting a free iPod.
- It seems that imaginary vouchers are the current ‘hot’ item in the wonderful world of spam. I’ve been getting more & more spam pretending that I have some sort of bullshit voucher at some company I never buy stuff from. United Airlines – check. K-mart – check. Home Depot – check. Six Flags – check. On the plus side, there is always a chance that the United Airlines plane ticket will take me to Six Flags. On the way home, maybe we can use our K-Mart & Home Depot vouchers to buy some Qewipe & a new pupyg as well. Or maybe some bigger underwear instead.
- Only two financial-related emails. I wonder what kind of loan you can get from a company that can’t spell ‘Home’, ‘Loan’ (is a Lloan like a Llama?), or ‘Credit’ in the subject line of an email?
- Eight emails about other random crap that didn’t quite fit into any of the above categories, including two featuring the timeless classic of a subject line of ‘Re: reply’.
- The winner of the Best Sender Name category goes to the email from a ‘Satan Rollman’. He was the one trying to sell me some Qisuy. Apparently the devil is in the (lack of attention to spelling) details. Runner up goes to ‘Coach Handbags’, the name attached to four different spams advertising wallets & handbags. Has there ever been a less confidence-inspiring name for a coach than ‘Handbags’? Was he the replacement coach after Coach PansyAss was fired?
Oh and on a separate note: this is a message to the dog barking non-stop outside my house –stop it. No one cares. Go smell some dog ass or piss on some hydrants or something. Just do anything other than continue to bark.
Link to
Please ignore the fact that I can’t spell Nigeria…or Royalty - part I of this subject.
