2006 Year-In-Review Wrap-Up Summary Rant

Fuck.

A Summary Of How Christmas Music Makes Me Feel

I don’t exactly have high expectations for radio stations at the best of times. Radio is so bad that people are willing to spend money on satellite radio just to avoid the sheer shittiness of traditional radio. Yet once a year, radio gets even worse by switching from playing the usual crap to playing something worse – Christmas music.

What exactly is the connection between crappy music and celebrating a holiday? How is annoying someone with shitty music supposed to make them feel all Christmassy? I don’t want this to sound like an anti-Christmas rant, because I’m definitely ok with Christmas itself. My problem is with Christmas music. Christmas music doesn’t make me think ‘peace on Earth and something something to all’, it makes me feel like punching someone in the face. And regardless of your religious background, I’m fairly certain everyone would agree that a random face punch would lead the list of what Christmas is not about.

Whereas I agree that a group of people singing Christmas carols outside in the snow has a definite Christmas feel to it, I’m specifically referring to Christmas songs on the radio or on CDs. When’s the last time you heard a good Christmas song on the radio? Whether you realize it or not, the answer is either a.) never or b.) 1984 for that “Don’t they know it’s Christmas time” song.

Right around here is where this is really starting to sound like an anti-Christmas rant, and it really isn’t. Sure, Christmas has been over-commercialized over the years, but that’s beside the point. This rant is about the craperific nature of Christmas music, and how most people seem to just accept it.

How come Christmas is the only holiday weighed down with lackluster musical accompaniment? I can’t recall a single Easter song ever being played on the radio, and I’m fairly certain that no one has written a song about Labour Day or Father’s Day. What exactly is the cause & acceptance of so much helltastic music associated with Christmas?

Signs Santa is Mad at You

As found somewhere on the internet...

Signs Santa is Mad at You

8. "Pounds glass of milk and then your wife"

7. "Rudolph left you a gift on your roof"

6. "Your only gifts this year: Bits of old food he found on his beard"

5. "Instead of 'Merry Christmas', he tells you, "suck it'"

4. "Someone had 'keyed' the side of your car with a candy cane"

3. "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, and posts photos online of you in the tub"

2. "He sends his drunk brother Ronnie Kringle"

1. "Instead of 'naughty' or 'nice', you're listed as 'asshole'"

Love It Or Hate It - Now Featuring Mostly Hate

A guide to a few things in life and the corresponding feelings they inspire:

- Listening to crappy radio at work –> annoyed, but less than ‘some baby won’t shut the fuck up cryathon’
- Listening to Christmas songs on the radio in early December –> slight anger, but manageable levels…so far
- The realization that they will be playing more & more Christmas songs on the radio as Christmas approaches –> rising levels of anger. Also, the occasional thought of what a stereo speaker would feel like if/when punched.




- Living in a town that has two gas stations, except one has closed for an indefinite amount of time, and now there is only one gas station –> mostly indifference, largely because I never went to the other gas station anyway. By the way, how the hell does a gas station go out of business in this day & age?
- Hearing that the lone gas station has run out of gas – concern, remembering that my ‘empty fuel tank’ indicator light just popped on.
- Running out of gas in my car (much like the only gas station in town) – freezing cold, thanks to the temperatures at the time of 'minus a lot'. The only thing keeping me warm was the rage burning inside me – that and some gloves. For what it's worth, the rage was more effective at keeping me warm.